You're not missing anything

I’ve been home for a week now, on leave from school. I didn’t watch much television while I was in Vermont, and it appears that I was not missing a whole lot.

First, there are the Judge shows. Peoples Court was one of those shows that used to be interesting, because it was real. The people were real. Then someone decided that there needed to be more Judge shows, hence Judge Judy came along. She’s abusive to both parties, and that’s considered entertainment because the trailer park that is the afternoon viewing audience can sit there and feel good about themselves. Now a couple years later, every network has their own Judge show. Judge Joe Brown, Judge Hatchett, Judge Cristina, hell even that bald guy who was a referee for wrestling matches was a “Judge” for a while. There was a show called Moral Court on for a while, where they didn’t go on what was legal, but what was moral. (That probably died a quick death, as morality is lost on a lot of people.) All these shows are the same premise – people send in their cases so they can make fools of themselves on television. Someone sits down and culls through all the applications and picks out the most ridiculous brain-dead people and says “Yeah, people will watch them!” And so we get to see a non-stop parade of stupidity in the name of television justice.

The main difference between the current crop of crap and the original Peoples’ Court was that people used to argue over something realistic, and the case could go either way. A legal opinion was needed to decide, usually because both parties shared a degree of guilt and someone had to sort through it all to decide a fair solution. The cases shown on today’s programs are all so petty and moronic that you have to wonder how these cases ever made it to trial (and it’s no surprise when the Judge dismisses the case outright.) None of them have any brains in their heads at all – you end up with either a Plantiff and a Defendant who both have the intelligence of a gym sock, or one side that is prepared, has all their paperwork, and their story rings true, versus someone who can’t get their story straight, makes it up as they go along, and has no proof and no documentation of anything they say. In the end, you don’t even care if anyone wins, you just want them all killed. It all boils down to who is the best liar – a lot of the cases, both parties are just trying to out-lie each other to see who can grab the most money from the other one. Usually the ones who bring in “witnesses” are the worst offenders, figuring that more people = a true statement (when really, they all decided to lie for each other and split the winnings.) Another way to tell who is lying is the one who spends 15 minutes relaying the most insignificant details, and goes out of the way to really make the other person look bad. They are usually making it up as they go along, and the judge almost always calls them on it.

Here are some examples:

1. A guy suing his girlfriend. She lied to him to borrow his car and then wrecked it while drag racing, but she’s not responsible because she’s a good driver, and if he’s really that upset over it then he never should have given her the keys. She lied to him to get a loan of $1400 so she could go out partying, and refuses to pay it back. Any time the judge tells her that she’s irresponsible, she just laughs and dismisses the comment. Typical teenager “I’m better than you” attitude.

2. Bitter ex-wife suing her ex-husband trying to get money out of him. As the case goes on, it’s extremely obvious that she’s lying about everything – she can’t remember her facts from one minute to the next, she storms out of the courtroom when she’s caught in a lie, and it’s found that she has been harassing the guy’s new girlfriend.

3. A woman suing her boyfriend for going out to a strip club and then trashing the place. By her OWN testimony, it comes out that SHE HIT HIM WITH A POT. She started beating up on him, and then had the nerve to have him arrested and sue him because he reacted and wrecked the apartment. One of those cases where the person doing the suing was completely wrong, lied aboout everything, and both parties were idiots who never should have even been there to begin with. Case dismissed.

Ya know what’s really disturbing? Most of the people suing each other are younger than 25 years old. Is this what kids are learning now? If you can’t get along with people, you sue them on television? Ya have to wonder what kind of role models these kids had growing up.

And for crying out loud women, LOSE THE SMUG FACE. Certain people, and I think you know who I mean, have this smug, proud look about them, and the more they are proven wrong, the more they give you that look of “hey, it’s not my problem, it’s your problem!” Mmm HMM! And it’s always so funny to watch the looks of shock like “he’s lying!” only to find out that they really are guilty, they just are so used to lying that it comes naturally to deny everything. So they stand there saying “that’s a lie,” “that’s not true,” “he’s lying,” and raising their hand, like that alone is going to make everyone believe them. Five minutes later it comes out that it IS all true, and hey the smug defiant look didn’t work! But they keep on doing it!

Oh, another thing – the word is ASKED! Not “axed,” “ASKED!”