The "Toasty" part refers to the employees

I have never been to Quiznos before. There’s one right downtown, and I kept thinking I should try it to see what all the commercial fuss is about. You’ve seen the stupid hype, where they put Subway’s steak sandwich next to Quiznos’ and people nod their heads like chimps, reciting “Wow, yeah, there’s no meat in there!” So I go in at 3:00 in the afternoon. The place opened at 11am. It’s four hours after they opened. I stress this, as it’s important later. There’s a sign inside advertising their steak brisket sandwich. Okay, sure, I don’t get enough steak in my diet, why not? I go to the counter and wait for a woman to decide whether she wants raw or sauteed onions on her salad… don’t rush to a decision now, your choice could very well affect the results of the upcoming elections… finally she decides on both (sigh) and it’s my turn. I ask for a large steak brisket on wheat bread. The guy cuts the bread, walks over to a bin to take the steak out and put it on a scale, and tells me there isn’t enough steak left for a large brisket sandwich. It’s 3pm and there isn’t enough steak for a large brisket sandwich. FOUR HOURS AFTER THEY OPENED AND THEY ARE OUT OF STEAK! So he offers to make a small, and did I want something else to go with it? Fortunately the Prime Rib sandwich uses a different meat, so I went with a small Prime Rib Steak Sandwich. Hey, I missed breakfast and am starving. So again he measures out the steak on a scale… gotta be accurate… wouldn’t want to give me an ounce too much and RUN OUT OF STEAK after all. I guess I missed this next part because I was staring at the menu; he takes the steak meat, puts it in a little plastic basket, and sticks it in hot water. Yes, folks, Quiznos boils their steak meat. While he’s doing this, he takes the Brisket Steak sandwich and puts it on a conveyor belt to run it under the toaster. It pops out the other end, and I notice that there is no cheese on it. I asked the woman on the other side of the toaster about the cheddar cheese they claim to put on it, to which she replies, “Oh, did you ask for cheese?” I told her I sort of assumed it was on there, given that the advertisement says there should be, and no one asked me otherwise. So she takes it out, slaps some cheese on it, and runs it back through the toaster.

Meanwhile the first guy is taking the Prime Rib out of the boiling water, squeezes the steak dry, and splats it onto the roll. He then scoops the rest of the steak meat out of the little basket, water and all. Then he puts some swiss cheese on it (at no time was I even asked if I wanted swiss) dumps some sorta seasoning on it, and puts that through the toaster as well. It comes out the other side, and is immediately wrapped up. No one could be bothered to ask me if I wanted lettuce or tomatoes or anything else on it, and by the time I got the chance to ask about it, the sandwiches were already in a baggie. I grabbed a bag of chips, paid, and left.

So I get home and open up the Prime Rib sandwich. It’s stuck to the wrapper. The wrapper is soaked through, as is the bun. I bite into it, and it’s bland. I have never tasted bland Prime Rib before. They boiled all the flavor out of it! Then they tried to cover it up by dumping spices on top, only the spices all peeled off with the cheese when I pried it out of the wrapper. Bleah. I couldn’t even finish it.

So I move on to the Brisket. It, too, is soggy and stuck to the wrapper. It also looks nothing like the picture; it more closely resembles the itty bitty Subway sandwich they so eloquently ridicule in their commercials. For the amount of meat they put in there, I might as well have asked for a toasted bun with cheese on it. Okay, this is stupid.

I wrapped them back up and took them both back down to the shop. I told them how dissatisfied I was with not only the food, but the complete lack of attention I received when I was there. No one asked me what I wanted on it, if anything, the guy should have told me there wasn’t enough brisket for a small, instead of selling it to me the way it was – a small bun with almost nothing in it. I put it down on the counter and asked the guy, doesn’t that look a lot like the one Subway serves, according to the blatant false advertising on your commercial? Are you telling me that the picture over there on the sign is an even bigger lie? The only thing that was any good was the jalapeño chips, and that’s only because they were pre-bagged before they got there. They both apologized, one going so far as to say “It’s been a long day.” They’ve only been open for four hours, how can it be a long day? Is working part time at a sandwich shop really that stressful on today’s youth that they lose all zest for life if they are forced to stay there longer than 2 hours? The girl working the register gave me my money back and asked if I ever had this happen before. I said no, this is my first time ever coming in here, and I guarantee there won’t be a second time if this is how I’m going to be treated.

I walked out, went around the corner, and got a steak sandwich at Subway. There was twice as much meat in it as Quiznos could spare, and ya know it looks nothing like the lies that Quiznos puts on television in the form of commercials. So much for trying something new.