I got the idea that I have been playing too much World of Warcraft lately, so I decided to try a new game I had heard a lot about called “Real Life.” Some of the people I play WoW with mention it from time to time, such as “sorry I can’t run Scarlet Monastery tonight, I have some Real Life things to take care of” or “Haven’t been on in a while, Real Life got in the way.” Since everyone else is playing it, I figured maybe I should give it a try.
As with any multiplayer game, you have to log into a server, also called a “realm” or a “yard.” I chose one called Home – sounds friendly and inviting. I start out on The Porch; since I have absolutely no idea what to do in this new world, I look around for someone to tell me what to do next. Standing a few feet in front of me is “Wyfe the Taskmaster” – she doesn’t look too happy.
I approach Wyfe, who greets me with a scowl and says, “Well, well! I was wondering when you would find your way here! Welcome to The Front Yard! So glad you finally decided to join us out here.” She paused, then said, “Since you’re new to this world, I’ll start you off with something easy. As you can see, the harsh winter and spring flooding has ravaged the land such that no vegetables or flowers will grow. See that garden over yonder? It’s overgrown with weeds. Pull 20 of them, then check back with me.” When I didn’t move right away, she added, “Not enough for you? Okay, clear all the rocks while you’re there.”
Okay, so every new player has to prove their worth. I went over to the garden and started pulling weeds, tossing them into a small bag. I collected 20 of them, but it seemed like the weeds were coming back up almost as fast as I could pull them. Oh well, not my problem, she only wanted 20. Then I started clearing out the rocks, tossing them into a small pile. She didn’t tell me what to do with them, after all. When I was done, I grabbed my bag of weeds and took it to Wyfe the Taskmaster.
Wyfe smiled at the sight of me with my bag, and takes the weeds from me. “Well done! I knew you could handle it.” I then pointed out the rocks; she clapped her hands and said, “Wonderful! I think you’re ready for one of these!” In one hand, she held out [The Rake], and down at her side was [The Blower]. She winked and said, “Choose your reward.” Now, I have never been good with hand tools, and [The Blower] looked like a nice long range implement, so I chose that.
I looked back up at Wyfe, who pointed behind me and said, “For this next task, you will have to journey to The Backyard. Leaf Creatures have taken over the entire area, and I want you to take care of them.” So I strap [The Blower] to my back and set out for The Backyard.
After a long journey of about 20 steps or so, I arrived in The Backyard. Wyfe wasn’t kidding – the Leaf Creatures were everywhere. Fortunately this was not a difficult task, as the Leaf Creatures scattered when I hit them with my trusty blower. There were just so many of them. As I continued, I noticed that some of them were fighting back. Hmm, these must be a tougher kind of Leaf that will defend themselves when attacked. When I hit them with my blower, they started spitting dirt at me. Some of them were even able to change the direction of the wind to send more dirt, and more Leaf Creatures, at me. But, I fought my way through them, until suddenly my blower went silent. I could hear naught but the rustling of the Leaf Creatures taunting me.
Well, crud. No one told me I’d have to reload the thing.
I went back to Wyfe to see what I should do about it. When I asked about my blower, she just smiled and asked me if I had taken care of all the Leaf Creatures. No help there, so I looked around. There were two buildings I hadn’t looked at earlier, a large one and a smaller one. I checked the larger one first, which I found was called The Garage. In here was some sort of vehicle, and several useless items. By examining [The Blower] I determined that I needed a [Container of Gasoline] but I was not able to find one here. I did, however, find a pair of [Dark Goggles of the Landscaper] which instantly reduced the glare of The Sun when I equipped them. I left The Garage to check out the smaller building, which was called The Shed. More useless items, but I kept looking until I found a [Container of Gasoline]. Using this, I was able to reload [The Blower]. Before I left The Shed, I noticed something on a shelf called [Headgear of Sonic Protection]. They fit over my ears, presumably to reduce the noise made by [The Blower], but when I tried to put them on, my [Dark Goggles of the Landscaper] no longer fit properly. I tried to adjust them to fit, but apparently I could only wear one at a time. Weird. I kept on the goggles, as the [Headgear of Sonic Protection] were uncomfortable anyway.
I returned to The Backyard and resumed my fight. I noticed that the goggles also protected my eyes against the Leaf Creatures dirt attacks. Hmm, some Engineer was really thinking when they designed these goggles. I spent another couple of hours clearing more Leaf Creatures, when suddenly I found a large round smooth rock. I went over to examine it, and suddenly thought to myself, “Wyfe the Taskmaster might appreciate this.” So I picked it up and took it to Wyfe. She looked at the rock, jumped up in the air, and said, “OOoohh, yes, I want that!” She took the rock, and suddenly I felt happier and more determined to complete my task. So I went back and finished clearing out those evil Leaf Creatures. Lucky thing, as I ran out of gasoline again.
Wyfe was pleased that I had completed my task. I now had access to The House, where I could find food and drink to replenish myself. Inside The House, I found Andy the Beagle, who had a task for me. He wanted something called a [Walk], which would require a [Leash of Restraint] and a [Bowl of Kibble]. I looked back at Wyfe, who had a new quest – she wanted [Chicken Taco Salad], which required, among other things, [Chicken] and [Mild Spices].
Well crud. Anyone know where I can find a Cooking Trainer?